May 6, 2007

Trouble in Paradise

So our perfect apartment is suddenly not so perfect - we've discovered bed bugs, which is a pretty gnarly drag, but what can I say? We'll deal with it.

Actually, no - wait a second: this SUCKS. These things are crawling on me all night giving me little bites and then crapping out blood on my sheets in little spots that don't come out. Then like frickin' Santa Claus they're magically gone in the morning, leaving me these little presents of itchy bug bites and bloody bug poops. Whenever I do see one crawling around, I go completely kung fu all over their ass like a total psycho.

And to get rid of them, we're going to basically have to all but move out. All clothes, sheets, curtains, etc. get put into bags and washed in hot water; all the pictures come off the walls; all drawers and cabinets get emptied; everything gets TURNED UPSIDE DOWN so the exterminator can do his spray thing...and then we repeat the whole process 3 weeks later. Maybe again and again after that. Even so, there's no guarantee they'll be gone forever.

For now, I'm basically helpless. I just have to go on with life as I have been - cohabiting with bugs. I have decided one thing, however: if you ever try to give me that line about sleeping tight, don't let the bed bugs bite, I will so punch you in the neck.